


Effeuillons la marguerite

by HyphenL



Category: The Hobbit (2012)
Genre: Agenderism, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Dramatic Irony, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Gen, Genderbending, Humour, Implied Incest, M/M, Multi, Other, Protective brothers, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-23
Updated: 2013-05-08
Packaged: 2017-11-26 16:21:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 18,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/652163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HyphenL/pseuds/HyphenL
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU where Fili and Ori are Thorin's nephew, while Kili is Dori and Nori's little brother. </p><p>Kili is love-struck with Fili and everybody knows it -EVERYBODY. Luckily for the chap, "everybody" is not against such attention. Unfortunately for him, self-esteem issues, over-protectives bros, a slightly too sassy Ori and maybe even a dragon will get in the way.</p><p>NB: This fic decided it was a good idea to explore dwarves as an agender culture with no differentiation made between female and male dwarves, and I'm going with it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. He likes me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kili is love-struck with Fili and everybody knows it -EVERYBODY. Thus Kili wonders if Fili likes him back -and his brothers despair at how blind he can be.

_I think he likes me_ , ponders Kili while stealing a look. _He's always so nice to me_.

The other dwarf looked at him and smiled, his neat, blond breads dangling around his chin. Then he went back to his smithing, hammering softly on a small piece of metal he had been working on.

 _He doesn't seem to think I'm really ugly_ , Kili thought. _Or at least, he hides it very well. And he never mocked me for cutting my beard short._

He admired the precises gesture of the blond smith, who was now adding a slender throng of red hot metal on the hammered clasp to glue something to it.

 _He talks to me, too_ , _and always greets me when we meet_.

Kili was not someone important, so being goodmorninged by an Heir of Durin made him feel quite special.

 _And he smiles. He smiles a lot_.

Kili could not keep his eyes away from Fili's shape, smithing in the dark and red colours of the fire. He probably looked like a child in awe, but he didn't care; after all, Fili truly was admirable.

Sometimes, the blond dwarf took a moment away from his work to give him a quick glance, a half-mocking smile on his lips.

 _I think he likes me watching him_ , Kili realised. _I think he likes the attention._

That was a good thing, that meant Kili was allowed to watch the other at his heart content; so he proceeded to look the hell out at him.

“You shouldn't stay idle”, Dori said suddenly at Kili' side.

He had arrived with a tray of drinks and refreshments for the hard working smiths of the forge, and of course some biscuits.

“You should sew that scratch in your pants, too”.

Kili got up quickly and helped his brother with the food. “I'll go out practice my archery”, he said when they arrived in Fili's ear reach. “I'm getting pretty good at it, right Dori?”

“Don't brag, boy.”

Kili nodded slightly and went to offer Ori a cup of tea. And some biscuits.

Then he came back to Nori' side, and noticed that Fili had already been given his share of food and beverage.

“You go give the wine and cake to Thorin”, Nori said while abandoning the tray in Kili's arms.

“Me?” Kili asked, trying not to sound nervous. Thorin was impressive, and a King, after all.

“Of course you” sighed Nori. “I have work to do, and we are not going to ask the princes for that, are we? Don't forget to bring back the tray when you are done”.

Kili nodded and swallowed his fear; while he was walking to Thorin, he noticed the amused look Fili was sending him from his anvil.

 _Yes,_ he decided. _He likes me._

 

Kili was a good archer. Probably the best here, which meant he could at least do one thing right. Unfortunately, archery was not the most useful skill in a smith-colony in time of peace.

From time to time, he wished he could be good at something useful, like cooking, or sewing, or even smithing -it's not that he was extremely bad at all that, it's just that he was not really as good as other people were. Other people understood things he didn't. They instantly seem to knew their way around this kind of simple tasks, in a manner Kili could never mimic.

Oh, he tried! But he always felt very inadequate.

However, with a bow in hand an no-one looking at him, he could be good. He could do perfect. He could strike fast and exactly where he wanted to.

He would always shoot three arrows for each ones he missed. Failing was not an option, not at the only thing he could actually do fine. So he trained a lot. He wore gloves so his hands wouldn't hurt, because when he hurt them he was even clumsier at normal tasks afterwards. Sometimes, after hours of practice, his muscles would be so raw they trembled by themselves from the effort.

Kili had decided to train all the more, until his body would strengthen up and stop this ridiculous shaking. It was almost fun, the way he lost control, and it meant he had done well. He never felt satisfied until he was shuddering from tiredness. At last there was proof he had one something.

 _He likes me_ , Kili thought while hitting the target.

 _He likes me not_. The arrow had missed the blank.

Kili shot three perfect arrows to compensate for his miss.

_He likes me._

His hands had started shaking. He hated that moment, because that meant he wouldn't shoot straight. And he needed to shoot straight.

 _He likes me_ , he thought while carefully taking aim.

“Maybe you should take a break, you look exhausted” the voice of Fili said by his side.

The arrow missed the blank entirely and lodged itself into the outside border of the target.

 _He likes me not_.

“I need the practice”, Kili answered nonchalantly. “As you can see, I'm a terrible shooter.”

Fili looked at the target's hedgehogy center.

“If you say so”, he pondered. “Now”, he added, reminding himself of the reason he had come at all, “I have something for you. Take it.”

Kili's hand had reached out at the order, and he noticed with discomfort his fingers were sore and trembling.

“It's nothing”, he muttered, “normal archer stuff”, but he could feel his ears on fire.

Fili made no comment, although his expression might have been a little disapproving; he then dropped his gift in the other's palm.

It was a small hair-clasp with wire ornaments which spelled Kili's name in runes.

Kili was speechless, and a cold shiver went down his spine.

“Is that what you where doing at the forge?” he asked with incredulity.

“You don't seem very happy about it”, Fili noticed.

“No, Yes! I mean, yes, I am, it is a lovely gesture, it's just... I have nothing to give in return!”

And Kili looked around in despair, considering for a split moment parting with his arrows or even his bow. Why did he had nothing of value to thank Fili with? How comes he had never thought or carrying presents worthy of a royal prince- wait. Who did that anyway?

Fili studied him for a moment, then a smile crawled back on his mocking lips.

“Why, but you're right, you should give me something in return”, he said with amusement. “This is a beautiful clasp, it ought to be repaid in kin. I will think about something I'd like to get from you, and demand it then.”

Kili nodded.

“It seems fair”, he said. “Just- as a fair warning- I'm not very good at anything, really, so don't expect such a... royal... equivalent. I'll do my best, though!”

He grinned widely, hoping to look persuasive rather than rather idiotic, and knowing he would probably fail.

Fili' smile turned cryptical, and Kili felt a bit fretted by it.

“See you tonight, then”, Fili said, already walking away.

Kili tightened his finger around the precious hair-clasp.

“I'll wear it!” he exclaimed, feeling it was somewhat an important thing for Fili to know.

“I know”, Fili smiled mockingly.

 

“You're an idiot.”

“I know that”, Kili protested at his brother. “That's why I wanted your advice!”

Nori was shaking his head.

“I have nothing worth of a prince”, Kili repeated. “What should I do? I have nothing to repay him with, and...”

He certainly didn't want to let go of the clasp.

“I could give him my pony”, Kili said miserably, already heart-broken at the idea of parting with Bungo.

“OUR pony”, Nori said disapprovingly. “It is not yours to give.”

“But... he's a prince!” Kili insisted, astonished at his brother's lack of understanding. “A _prince_!”

“And we're from noble blood too, and you don't see me wandering around asking people for their horses!”

“That's because you have other things to offer”, Kili pointed out. “For one, you're the best hair-breader there is; everyone feels honored to merely meet you.”

“You could smith something too, a matching clasp”, Nori suggested.

“You're kidding? My smithing is barely adequate. It'd be like insulting his present with a mock one.”

Now Nori looked crossed, and Kili didn't like that; he liked it even less when his brother took an handful of his hair like he used to do when he was particularly mad at him.

“Listen now, young dwarf-”

“You're hurting me”, Kili pointed out in case he hadn't noticed. “Nori, I'm sorry, please let go.”

His brother did, but still looked very irritated.

“You are the most annoying dwarf there is”, he said.

Kili nodded, feeling even dumber than the usual because he wasn't sure of what he had done wrong this time.

“You've been staring at him like a fish out of water for weeks”, Nori added, “and yet, you have barely spoken to him.”

“Well, I don't want to annoy him too!” Kili answered. He had done his best not to be a bother, and failed to see the harm in that.

Nori sighed.

“Go to the lad and tell him you'll buy him a beer.”

Kili felt scandalised.

“A _beer_? Brother, he's smithed for me an hair-clasp! Look! It's ever got little silver threads embedded in it- ”

“Fine. _A lot_ of beers. But do it; I'm pretty sure the dwarf's expecting little else.”

Kili suddenly understood his brother's delusion.

“Oh, Nori!” he exclaimed with a sympathetic look on his face, “but _he_ doesn't like _me_!”


	2. He likes me not

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AU where Kili is Dori and Nori's brother while Ori is Fili's. 
> 
> Kili has a major crush on Fili, who seems to have taken an interest in that: he offered him an hair-clasp, and now Kili is offering him beer. 
> 
> However, Kili also has a massively major self-esteem issue: he has none.

 “Do you want me to buy you another one?”

Fili chuckled sightly.

“Are you trying to get me drunk?”

“Maybe”, Kili answered teasingly, imagining for an instant what could be the consequences of that. “Or maybe I just feel very much indebted to you because you still haven't told me what you'd like in exchange for your gift.”

Fili' smiled dropped just a little.

“How many beers do you think it's worth?” he asked while arching an eyebrow. “Five? Seven? A whole barrel perhaps?”

Kili frowned.

“A whole barrel? Of course not! That hair-clasp is beautiful, and I'm not talking about the silver it's got embedded in. Exchanging it for a barrel would make me look... stingy. And not show the actual extent of my gratitude” he added after a little pondering.

“Alright, how much is it worth according to you then?” Fili asked with an amused look.

Kili sighed. “I'm not sure I have enough riches to make up for it, and Nori wouldn't even let me give you our pony.”

Fili chuckle softly. “A pony” he said. “A _pony._ ”

“Bungo is a very good pony!” Kili protested. He's strong, and smart, and he's been in our family for years.”

“And you would have given him up, for an hair-clasp.”

“Well, it isn't exactly any clasp” Kili replied earnestly. “I mean, you made it.”

Fili looked at him with an expression on his face that Kili could not identify. It looked like pondering, with maybe, (hopefully), slight amusement.

“What about you?” he asked suddenly, and Kili felt a bit confused.

“What... about me?” he repeated, wondering.

“If I give you this hair-clasp, would you give _yourself_ to me?”

Kili's confusion reached an even greater level.

“Me?” he said in disarray. “Are you sure you wouldn't rather have a pony?”

For some reason, Fili nearly strangled himself with his drink.

“Oh, no!” he roared in laughed, “I'd rather not ask _that_ of a pony!”

Kili felt really dumb, but that feeling was usual.

“It's just... a beautiful gift”, he explained tentatively. “I'd like to give you something nice for it.”

“So what?” Fili said, still chuckling, “is 'yourself' not good enough for me?”

Kili looked at him in awe.

“Of course not!” he exclaimed, astonished at Fili's lack of understanding. “I am absolutely _not_ worthy of a prince, I thought you would know that.”

Fili's chuckle lowered down a little.

“What of a simple dwarf?' he asked. “I am not only the King's heir.”

A light embarrassment rose in Kili's chest.

“Look” he started, honest as ever, but slightly nervous, “it is no secret that... that I... _like_... you, a lot; but I'm also very aware of my condition, so I would never... _ever_ suggest something as... as lowering for yourself as to... well, _involve_ yourself with my person.”

After that Kili took a deep breath, and nodded slightly to himself. For once he had been quite clear in his meaning, and thought that maybe even Dori would have acknowledged the precision of that sentence.

Fili was frowning, not smiling anymore, and put his beer pitcher away on the counter.

“What do you mean, your 'condition'?” he asked in a voice a little lower than the usual, where Kili heard, or imagined, the slightest growl.

Kili looked away for a moment, not exactly happy as to have to say it. It never felt nice.

“I'm... I'm a bit stupid” he admitted, not being able to look at the other dwarf in the eyes in spite of his best effort. “And I'm not really good at... at anything, really.”

Fili was looking at him with something on his face that seemed like restrained anger.

“What about archery?” he pointed out in a slow, slightly worrying tone.

“Oh” Kili agreed (for that explained Fili's ire, this lack of precision), “I meant, not good at anything _useful_ , that is what I meant.”

Now that they had it cleared up, he smiled at the blond dwarf in a reconciling manner, and was surprised to see that his restrained rage had not faded away.

Fretted, he quickly thought about what could have caused that, and rapidly came with an answer.

“I can still give you something in exchange for the clasp!” he assured him. “If I hunt much in the coming days, I'll gain enough money to buy you something you'd like.”

Slowly, Fili's firsts came unclenched.

“Hunting. That is something useful, is it not?” he pointed out, visibly forcing himself to sound nice.

Kili chuckled.

“Why, everyone can do _that!_ ” he laughed. “I heard you're a pretty decent hunter yourself!”

Fili sighed heavily while hiding his head in one hand in disarray.

“You truly believe that, do you?” he said in a low voice, and Kili nicely patted him on the arm.

“Of course I do” he said while trying to sound comforting. “Everyone here knows how swift a hunter you are! In fact, you are much admired because of it.”

Fili looked at him with something akin to anger in his eyes, again.

“Once, _you_ came back with two deers and three rabbits. It had only taken you a morning to find them.”

Suddenly, Kili understood.

“It was a fine, lucky morning!” he grinned at the prince. “Everyone can have a bit of luck, once in a while; I am pretty sure you would have made much finer kills if you had been hunting this day, instead of me!”

He gave him his best shot at a smile, not caring about looking “goofy” or “like a particularly idiotic pup”, as Dori would have called him; he really wanted Fili to feel better, and knew smiles where a great cure for sadness.

“And even if you never kill more than two deers and three rabbits in a morning” he added, “no-one will mind, because you are the brightest, bravest among dwarves, and will someday become the finest King, and we already love you for that.”

The prince's expression was now a strange mix of both utter disarray and great fondness, something Kili had never witnessed before and of which he did not know what to think.

“You _are_ an idiot” Fili eventually said with an odd smile.

Kili nodded. “See, I told you so” he responded brightly, happy they'd come to an understanding. “And you are a very great hunter, in spite of what you said.”

Fili' smile suddenly turned... rather worrying, like the grin of a fox spying on its prey.

“Oh, _I know_ ”, he said very slowly.

And at that, he put his hands around the other's confused head and kissed him passionately. 


	3. He likes me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Previously, in this silly fic of mine:
> 
> “You are an idiot” Fili eventually said with an odd smile.   
> Kili nodded. “See, I told you so” he responded brightly, happy they'd come to an understanding. “And you are a very great hunter, in spite of what you said.”  
> Fili' smile suddenly turned... rather worrying, like the grin of a fox spying on its prey.   
> “Oh, I know”, he said very slowly.   
> And at that, he put his hands around the other's confused head and kissed him passionately.

Kili got out of it quite dazzled.

“What... what was that for?” he asked when words could again form in his mouth.

“That was dwarfish for 'you belong to me'” Fili explained calmly, while turning to the innkeeper and asking for an ale.

“B- but... But you're a prince!” Kili exclaimed.

“A bright and brave prince, you already said that” Fili answered. “So what?”

“So you shouldn't -I mean it with respect- you're not... I mean, it's _me_!” he finally cried. “You shouldn't get involved with someone like me! For one, you'll never be happy, and for second-”

“Shut up” Fili ordered in his King-to-be voice.

He took the pitcher the innkeeper was giving him and put it in Kili's hands.

“From now on, each time you say something demeaning about yourself, I want you to drink.”

Kili felt confused.

“What?”

“You heard me. I can't count up to the amount of _insanities_ you have been saying until now, so you'll just have to drink this one entirely. Then we'll proceed with a new one. Fresh start. Now, drink up.”

Kili didn't move.

“I haven't been saying anything demeaning about myself” he said with his usual frank, open expression.

“You've been saying you're not good at anything, and that I'd lower myself by involving myself with you.”

“I see no falsehood there” Kili answered, still a little puzzled.

Fili frowned, looking angry again.

“You said you were stupid” he reminded.

At that, he pushed the pitcher to Kili's lips and added: “It's the prince's order.”

Kili pouted, but obeyed him, and opened his mouth to drink up some ale.

“Then you said you where good at nothing” Fili said, and pushed the pitcher up again.

“I am-” The ale drowned his words.

“Then you minimised your archery skills, while everyone knows you are the best shooter of the county”

“That is-” Ale filling his mouth, again.

“And you said I would lower myself by getting involved with you.”

“How is that untrue?” Kili shouted, annoyed. “You are a prince, and I a good for nothing-”

“Drink.”

“I am not drinking for this game- this is sick.”

“Then let's make a deal” Fili offered.

He waited to see interest glow in Kili's wary eyes before pursuing.

“You are going to tell me why you feel so unworthy of my interest, and each time you tell a lie, you are going to drink.”

“Why would I do that?” Kili asked. “That is a silly game.”

“That is what I want in exchange for the clasp I gave you.”

Kili winced.

“Alright, then, I suppose” he accepted. “But you can't have me drink anytime you want. You don't look very objective, and you already drank three beers.”

“Fine” Fili said, a smile crawling up his face. “Now, that is the good time to be in an inn filled with alcohol and friends.”

Looking around, he spotted a group of persons he knew (and who he suspected to be secretly spying on his and Kili's meeting by Thorin's orders).

“Dwalin!” he shouted. “Is Kili here one of the best archer we know?”

The inn went silent, and Kili felt a burning creep up his face.

“This is silly” he said. “I don't want to get humiliated in public, please let it go.”

But after a moment of reflexion, Dwalin shrugged his shoulders.

“He's the best I know of” he gruffed.

Fili looked at Kili in the eyes.

“You drink.”

“But-”

“Are you contesting Dwalin's word? He is a great soldier, he outlived the great worm, he must know what he is saying.”

Kili shook his head, but gave in.

He wasn't finished yet when Fili called Balin, asking him if he thought Kili was a good smith.

“Not the best I know of” Balin answered slowly, scrutinising them with his kin eye. “But a pretty decent one at least.”

Fili looked at Kili, who pouted but drank up.

And he drank. And he drank. And again.

In the end he wasn't even sure why he was drinking anymore.

“Stop it, I'm going to be sick” he said to Fili when the blond one pushed the wooden pitcher in-between his lips again.

“Then stop telling yourself lies, because they are already a sickness to you.”

“I am not- telling myself- lies” Kili sniffed scornfully. “It is but the truthier truth.”

“You can't imagine how your words break my world” Fili sighed slightly. “Now, you are right, you should stop drinking. I'll take you back to your brother's”.

 

It was night outside, and Kili walked his head and side pressed on Fili' shoulder, merely because he couldn't take one step straight.

“I am so drunk” he said, then giggled.

Fili smiled.

“You know, the first time I noticed you you where giggling exactly like that. You looked both really stupid and incredibly naïve, like one full of innocence and brightness.”

“Like a lamp” Kili said seriously. “Fili, do you like me because I'm like a lamp?”

“Maybe” the other grinned.

Kili felt grave and stuff, but the world was to wobbly for him to remember what that stuff was.

“Fili, do you like me?”

“Yes” Fili answered fondly. “You are always trying so hard, working so much when everyone goes home or drinks it better. Whenever I see you, you are grinning like a fool and you are right, that is a bit like a lamp to me.”

He stroked the other's hair and his fingers met the cold metal of the hair-clasp.

“I'd never have thought that you'd actually hate yourself” he said.

“Don't be silly I don't hate myself, I am just an idiot, that's all. Is that my house? Oh no, it must be yours. Wait, are we going to a house anyway?”

“You are the best archer” Fili said.

“I'm not bad.”

“And you are always being nice to people, and trying to cheer them up, telling them how capable they are. How comes you can't also tell that to yourself?”

“Oh, I'm not worth it” Kili giggled. “Fili, I think that is my brothers' house.”

He looked at the door attentively, then decided to rest near in on the wall. “Fili, that is _definitly_ my brother's house.”

“I'm not unaware” Fili said, approaching him slowly, amazed at how handsome he looked laughing drunkenly in the moonlight. “You know, you are so drunk right now I could probably take advantage of you.”

“I'd like to see you try!” Kili chuckled. “I am stronger than I look, you know!”

“Let's test that” Fili said, starting with blowing air on the side of the other's neck. Kili's laugher resounded beautifully.

“You're tickling me!” Kili protested dumbly, having probably already forgotten his recent challenge to him.

Fili had intended to only tease him a little, but Kili's utter lack of resistance had him slightly loose control, and he found himself handing him a bit too wildly as compared as to what would have been decent with a drunken person.

“I'm tired” he heard somewhere near him in Kili's voice, but he could only register the other's warmth and scent. “Fili, I'd like to sleep” the other whined.

“Just a bit more” Fili said. “Give me just a moment.”

“Maybe not” a severe voice said behind him and, before he had any time to turn around, he was being thrown back on the muddy floor.

“There's no kissing my little brother under my roof!” Nori said sternly.

“We are not... _precisely_ under your roof” Fili commented while getting up.

“Don't get technical with me, dwarfling!”

“How could you take advantage of an inebriated youngling” Dori added with a look of disapproval.

“I... I just got a bit carried away” Fili explained tentatively.

“Shame on you, heir of Thorin” the grey-haired dwarf added. “Now come here, little Kili, it is time for the three of us to sleep up our ale... especially you.”

“I don't want Fili to go” Kili protested, “he was being nice to me, and I like Fili very much, especially, when he's being nice.”

“Taking advantage of the ale is what he was doing” Nori muttered grimly under his beard.

“You wouldn't want to bed anyone in such a dizzy state, takes all the fun out of it” Dori added while helping his little brother to take his wobbly steps to their door.

“I didn't- I wasn't going to bed him!” Fili protested -Nori shot him a dark look.

“I don't care, nobody would have me anyway” Kili muttered bitterly.

“ _Don't you say that!_ ”

...cried all three other dwarves at once in either hurt, anger or exasperation.

Nori and Dori shot surprised looks at Fili, which the blond dwarf returned; then he looked back at Kili's bitter expression.

With a little sigh he approached him (his brothers not moving but watching his every step), and stroke his head lightly.

“Have a good night rest, you silly drunk dwarf”, he whispered. “And please stop thinking so lowly of yourself, I swear hearing those things breaks my heart.”

Kili grasped his arm and wouldn't let go, but he looked almost asleep at this point. Nori and Dori helped Fili unclench his fingers and Dori half carried the drunk youngling inside their house.

Nori stayed a moment beside.

“You care about him” he said.

“He is... precious to me.” Fili answered.

Nori pondered for a moment.

“Don't you dare hurt him in anyway that could have been avoided. He's a bit of an idiot alright, but if you ever take advantage of that again, we _will_ turn you into mince pie and even your uncle will do nothing about it. Is that understood?”

Fili winced, but lightly nodded. Then Nori bid him goodnight, and the night was dark again.

 


	4. He likes me not

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AU where Fili and Ori are Thorin's nephew while Kili is Dori and Nori's brother, and the youngest in the company.
> 
> Fili managed to get the ale and the dwarf paying for it as well, which ended up with him being scolded by said dwarves' brothers...

“Meh” said Dori as he was examining the hair-clasp. “A human could have done that; you can't honestly tell me you've put your best effort into it! Now, I hope you are finished, because Nori and I need you where you can be truly useful.”

Kili's lips trembled lightly, but suddenly widened into a smile and the young dwarf nodded.

“Of course, brother” he said in a low voice. “I'm only doing this to practice, I know I'm not good at it. Why do you need me for?”

“Now, now” his brother answered, patting him distractedly on the arm to comfort him. “Not everyone can be good at everything. Nori has found good metal for the bargain, and he needs us to help him evaluate the merchandise and close the deal. He's waiting in the upper field, so clean up after you're done and quickly meet us there.”

“He won't be going”, said Fili, who was entering the forge, in his commanding voice. “Thorin asked me to smith for him, and I am in need of an assistant.”

Dori looked at him warily.

“Kili would be the _worse_ smithing assistant _ever_ ” he objected. “And don't think I've forgotten about your misbehaving last night.”

“I don't expect you to” Fili answered with confidence. “And I can assure you that I will not take advantage of your brother again. But I also have to insist to keep him by my side for this business.”

“No-one's at the forge today” Dori pointed out, “as it's day of grand market. I don't like the idea of your being alone with him.”

“I'm not _that_ challenged!” Kili protested. “And I can defend myself!”

“Believe me dwarfling, you are not bright” Dori retorted. “But it's all right, I accept to let you spend the day with this royal rascal. Now remember Kili: _think_ _before you act_. Understood?”

Looking a bit like a kicked puppy, Kili silently nodded. Dori then turned to Fili.

“And you, young dwarf, be assured that if you misbehave you will not be permitted to meet with my brother again. I hope I made that clear.”

“Crystal clear” Fili nodded.

Dori grumbled something under his beard but, after a final look at his brother, eventually departed. When he was sure the older dwarf had gone, Fili went to the brown-haired one.

“I want to apologise for my behaviour yesterday. I've been a bit reckless, and I hope it didn't... offend you.”

“It's fine” Kili said with a grin, “I don't remember most of it, actually. Just the bit about my brothers scolding you, I think.”

“And the kissing?” Fili asked with a pout.

Kili's smile shied away a little.

“I do remember that...”

Fili grinned and came to him, taking him by the waist to pull him into a good morning kiss.

“Well then, now you'll remember this one too! What were you doing?” He looked at Kili's work on the anvil. “Is that an hair-clasp?”

I was far from perfect, but it wasn't as bad as Dori had made it sound like.

“I wanted to make you one too” Kili said, quickly snatching the thing away from Fili's sight. “But it's no good, I'll throw it away.”

“Don't do that” Fili answered -and he fought to take the thing back from Kili's closed fist.”It's true it would have needed a bit more work, but it's still pretty decent.”

“ _Pretty decent_ is not enough” Kili answered, trying to take the thing back.

But Fili had already clasped it around one of his breads.

“Well I like it” he said, “and I don't care it's not perfect, as it is from you. Moreover-” he put a arm round Kili shoulders “you not being the perfect smith gives me a very good excuse to spend some time teaching you about the hot, noble art of the forge. What do you say?”

Kili hesitated.

“But I am really awful at it” he said. “You will feel frustrated or angered, or mock me.”

Fili laughed and kissed him in the hair.

“Oh dear Kili, I surely wish you are as awful as you think, because that would mean I'll get to spend all the more time with you!”

Kili smiled, slightly at first, then a wide, goofy grin that warmed Fili's heart.

“Well good then, because I'm the worst smith there is!”

And he was not good, as Fili would notice, but not that terrible at all.

“Practice makes perfect” he told him when Kili messed up (yet another) bending of the metal. “Smithing is a delicate work that requires strengths, patience, and knowledge.”

“But some people are better at it than others”, Kili answered quite sadly.

Fili rolled his eyes.

“Well yes, of course: the people who've exercised themselves!”

Then he took Kili by the waist, pulling him to his chest, and hugged him gently, his beard tickling the side of his neck. “Also, you don't have to be good at everything” he added. “Just the things you like, and maybe things like hunting and cooking to, because you need them to live.”

Kili looked at the half-finished hair-clasp he had been working on, and bit his lips.

“Maybe I'm not that bad at cooking” he said. “Dori doesn't complain much about it, and Nori often takes a second service. But that might be because he doesn't like to cook himself” he pondered.

Fili was really busy smelling his hair at this point, but he made an effort to get out of it.

“Mmmmmmmmmmm... you should invite me to grab a bite sometime, then. I'd love to taste your... food.”

Kili didn't seem half happy about that.

“I didn't say it would be worthy of a prince!” he gasped.

“Would you stop caring about me being a prince?” Fili sighed.

“Fili, son of of Dis, heir of Durin and cousin to the King, cease your cuddling this instant!”

Fili rolled his eyes, did not let go of Kili (who was now struggling to escape) and looked towards the door where stood his uncle and Ori, who had pronounced that last sentence.

Thorin looked unamused, but not particularly mad.

“The brother of Dori and Nori” he remarked nonchalantly. “The finest archer of the county. I had fears about you settling for worse.”

Kili, who had eventually slipped from Fili's embrace, courteously greeted both of them.

“He is not exactly pretty, though” commented Ori in his usual, slow tone. “You always go for the very gorgeous ones usually. Is that one so special?”

Thorin was know ignoring them, as he was preparing his tools for the smithing.

Kili looked embarrassed, and glanced an “I-told-you-so-he's-so-right” look towards Fili.

“He's handsome enough for me” Fili answered, and he pulled the young dwarf to him. “And you can't say he's not brave.”

“Well, he is a bit reckless, I've seen” Ori answered while going to his own anvil. “And very skilled with a bow and arrows. But is he good in the matters of books?”

Kili looked uncomfortable.

“I... I don't think so” he answered, but Fili interrupted him: “he's not _your_ dwarf friend Ori, you go find one that suits your taste and let mine be.”

Ori chuckled and went to take his place behind his anvil.

“Will your 'dwarf friend' stay with us for smithing today?”

“Why are you here anyway?” Fili retorted. “I thought you'd go to the market.”

“Nori is taking care of that” Thorin answered. “Ori, you'll be repairing Ballot's hammer; Fili, we need a knife to be forged for some rich human lord -a dagger. Make it as dwarfish as possible.”

“Tourists” Ori grumbled from his place.

“I'll be going to help my brothers, then” Kili declared. “They'll be waiting for me.”

“You stay here” Fili commanded. “Look at what I do, and listen to me. If you are good and give me a kiss, I'll let you play with my hammer.”

Kili hesitated, all the more puzzled by Ori's slight chuckle and Thorin's sigh, but eventually decided to remain.

 

Fili showed Kili his art, commenting on his every move and usually adding a pun (sometimes Kili did not get them, but a chuckle from Ori's part indicated something funny). A lot of those jokes included Fili's hammer or tool of choice, and usually an adjective commenting on his size or great ability. Kili wasn't sure how that was funny, but Fili seemed so proud of himself after saying them and Ori so cheered up that he decided to smile when it seemed appropriate.

Eventually however, Fili caught on.

“You don't understand that kind of joke, right?” he asked while he was heating up the fire.

“I told you I am not very clever” Kili pointed out.

“It's got nothing to do with being smart -here, get me that log. Surely you've heard some those before at the tavern?”

Behind Fili, Thorin was rolling his eyes, and Ori smiling while shaking his head.

“I... have, yes” Kili answered. “I think it has to do with the...” He pondered a bit. “But I don't see how that's funny.”

“It's not made to be funny” explained Ori in his slow, precise way. “It's made to brag about one's exploits in bed in a subtle and humourous way. It's just my brother is no good at it.”

“I'm sure he's very good!” Kili hastily protested. “But the fact is -I am not very smart.”

At those words, Thorin stopped hammering on whatever he was smithing to look at the young dwarf.

“You never struck me as being stupid” he said.

His intimidating gaze was terrifying to Kili, who felt like a child at fault.

“I didn't mean to vex you by my words” he replied quickly. “Only ask my brothers, and they'll tell you what's the truth, that I am not very gifted in the things of the wits.”

Thorin was still scrutinising him with his fierce gaze, and Kili flinched.

“I did not mean to vex you” he repeated in a low voice, feeling miserable.

Thorin did not answer, but gave him a long, stern look.

When his gaze then momentarily crossed Fili's in a meaningful way, Kili heard his heart split in a crack.  


	5. He likes me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thorin's intimidating gaze was terrifying to Kili, who felt like a child at fault.  
> “I didn't mean to vex you by my words” he replied quickly. “Only ask my brothers, and they'll tell you what's the truth, that I am not very gifted in the things of the wits.”  
> Thorin was still scrutinising him with his fierce gaze, and Kili flinched.  
> “I did not mean to vex you” he repeated in a low voice, feeling miserable.  
> Thorin did not answer, but gave him a long, stern look.  
> When his gaze then momentarily crossed Fili's in a meaningful way, Kili heard his heart split in a crack.

 “I am a good archer.”

He shot an arrow right in the middle of the target.

“I am a decent hunter.”

Another arrow. Another hit.

“I am a good... I am... not that very bad at smithing.”

The arrow trembled a little, but still reached the center. Not the start middle though.

Kili shot three other arrows for good measure.

“I am an average cook.”

“I can sew alright.”

“I can handle a sword.”

“I sure wish you would handle _my_ sword”, Fili's voice said behind him.

Kili startled. “I hadn't noticed you were there!”

_A decent hunter would have noticed._

“You were very focused”, Fili smiled. “What was that you were saying?”

“Uh? Oh, err... Nothing, not really important.”

Fili grabbed him by the shoulders and kissed him on the cheek. “I'd like to know, if you don't mind telling me...” He then proceeded kissing him on the neck, then the ear, and Kili started feeling numb and stuttered again, but not for the same reasons as before. Fili laughed.

“Come on”, he said. “ _I am an average cook_. What was it?”

“It's...” Kili felt a knot form in his stomach, and curled his firsts not to shy away. “A... a training. Sort of.”

“A training for what?”

That was hard. Kili tried to be brave, really, but even being brave was not something he was really good at, and telling Fili of all people was terribly, utterly scary.

“It's... it's for...”

 _One word at a time_ , he thought.

“...improving... my, err... It's-to-train-myself-to-not-say-I'm-no-good-anymore!”

He said the last part _very_ fast to get it over with.

“So it's no big deal. Just an exercise, really. I wouldn't need it if I weren't actually an idi-”

Fili stopped him by putting a finger on his mouth. He looked... amazed at something. And really, very fond. For lack of a better metaphor, Kili would have compared him to melting pudding.

The young prince looked as if he was going to say something at first, then changed his mind and softly, gently, kissed him instead.

All of their kisses had previously been teasing or passionate. This one felt warm, gentle, caring, and Fili nicely pressed Kili against him all the while.

“I think that's a truly good idea”, he eventually whispered, breaking the kiss. “And...”

He never got to finish that sentence but Kili would never know why, because he could never have guessed Fili had just been struck by the mighty might of love's lightning lights all over again, and that his mind was in a place where he could have altogether proposed to Kili, married him, built by himself a farm for him and their seven hundred dwarves kids as well as conquered three kingdoms protected by at least four dragons each and also sewed each and every hole of his dirty sets of socks.

All of that right on the spot.

“I love you”, he said softly. “You know that, right?”

Kili's heart started to stop. “I-ah-ah...”

 _Not decent enough. Not good enough. Not worthy. Nothing_.

“I err, hum... I-err, that's... nice, that's nice, that is...”

_Nice? Who'd've say “nice”? No-one stupid, that's for sure. No-one but him. Stupid, stupid, STUPID Kili, never knowing what to say right._

“It's... I'm... glad you do”, he added even _more_ stupidly. “And I... I...”

 _Am not worth it. See it. See it, Fili. See that I'm not worth it right now, before it is too late. Before you get mistaken and take me for whom I am not, and then end up hurt and disappointed. Before you eventually agree with that look we saw earlier in Thorin's eyes, with his... disapproval_.

Kili leaned in and embraced tightly the other in his arms. “And I love you so much it should most probably be made illegal.”

 

Sure Thorin would pass the law.  


	6. He likes me not

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Previously, on that silly fic of mines: “I love you”, Fili said softly. “You know that, right?"
> 
> On air right now: Sassy Ori, love-struck Fili, insecure Kili, disapproving Nori, scary Dori, and a boring metal inventory.

“You said _what_?” Ori chuckled.

“That I loved him. Stop laughing.”

“How could I, that's too _grand_. Fili, telling one of his one-night stands _he loves them_.”

“He is certainly _not_ a one-night stand, and I _do_ like him.”

“But do you _looooove_ him?”

Fili ponderer. He wasn't feeling as love-struck as before, but thinking of Kili still made him feel as if he had just gobbled a whole barrel of flying butterflies.

“I don't know. Maybe.“

Ori carefully removed a piece of metal from the pile in front of him to put it with the “no-good” lot.

“Not a one-night stand, eh? How many nights has it been, then?”

“Don't be such a man, Ori.”

“Who are you calling a man, you blond-haired elf! How many?”

Fili rolled his eyes and observed the metal marble he had just taken from the middle pile. It was definitely going to the good lot.

“None, yet. But we kissed. A lot. I told you to stop laughing.”

“ _None?_ Fili, dwarfing around with an ugly duck for once, and you have _not slept with him yet_? Come on brother, you know he's got to be desperate for it. Any of it. From anyone.”

“So he's not as handsome dwarf as you are, so what? That doesn't mean he's desperate. He's brave, hard-working and good humoured; I'm pretty sure he's had lots of fooling around before.”

“My money's on him still being a virgin” Ori answered with a grin. “That would be absolutely, deliriously funny, considering how much you like your partners to be dull and unexperienced in the arts of bed unmaking.”

“Kili's not a virgin”, Fili grumbled.

Ori answered nothing to that. Actually, he ceased to make any noise at all, which Fili grew to find suspicious. He thus raised his head and met the distasteful eyes of Kili's brother Nori.

“I'm not saying that I actually know if he's or not”, Fili quickly said.

Nori looked at him disdainfully and said nothing.

“I was just telling Ori I _think_ Kili has more success than my brother believes.”

Nori looked at him disdainfully and said nothing.

“Because he's a brave, determined dwarf who's got much more to offer than pretty looks.”

Nori looked at him disdainfully and said nothing.

“And that, err...”

Nori looked at him _very_ disdainfully and said nothing.

“If you keep looking at me like that, _I will_ ask you directly if your brother is still a virgin or not.”

Nori sniffled.

“We've brought the weights to balance all this metal” he said, putting on the table the measuring instruments. “Also, I don't like my brother's virginity standing at the core of your conversations. I _will be_ watching you.”

“It's... fine, really, I think”, Kili's voice said from right behind him. “I'm pretty sure it's not a very important issue anyway.”

Nori sighed and stepped aside to go put the rest of his things on the nearby table, revealing both a fuming Dori and a flushed Kili.

At his sight, Fili's face covered itself in a wide grin and stars popped into his eyes and started sparkling.

But Dori stepped right in front of him, hiding his younger brother and piercing Fili with fierce eyes which burnt with the strength of a thousand suns. Then he started lecturing him, probably, but Fili didn't really notice as he had subconsciously slid aside to keep Kili in sight.

“Here to help with the inventory?” he asked.

Kili looked embarrassed. “I think my brother is talking to you”, he said.

“Maybe you should grab a stool and work with me, then” Fili added. “Converting metal amounts into their gold value takes quite a lot of time. Have you brought your tablerock? We only have one left, Ori broke the other.”

“You broke it” Ori retorted. “Also, Dori _is_ talking to you, brother.”

“Uh? Oh. Good morning Dori. Would you let him join us? Wait, he's not a dwarfling anymore, he doesn't need your permission. Kili, grab a stool!”

“Don't you dare move an inch, young dwarf” Dori demanded.

Kili looked at them both in confusion. “I... think I'd like to work with them”, he said eventually. “You shouldn't get mad because of silly questions people ask about me Dori. It's not that big a deal”.

Dori sighed, then rolled his eyes, then _both_ sighed and rolled his eyes, then finally gave up. But his parting look at the Durin brothers was a clear warning one.

Not that it mattered, really; he and Nori would work on the nearby table.

Kili took a stool and came to sit in-between the brothers. He also took a piece of paper, a quill and ink, then looked at the neat piles of metal bits Fili and Ori had been sorting. Fili greeted him with a long, soft kiss on the lips. Ori grunted.

“When you stop hanging around my brother's beard you can start the calculating” he said. “You'll need your tablerock for this. There are lots of metal weight to evaluate.”

“No need for it”, Kili grinned, still a bit flustered. “I know it by heart”.

Ori shook his head. “Every dwarf knows it by heart, stupid; I meant you'll need it to actually _calculate_. Fili, stop watching him like that, you look like a dead fish.”

Kili looked startled.

“I don't really use a tablerock for that” he explained. “We broke ours years ago, and we haven't been using one since.”

“Don't be ridiculous” Ori answered. “How are you going to make the conversions without it? By head? I've done it a couple times, it is not big fun.”

“It's how we do it”, Kili answered softly. “Besides, once you're used to do it this way, tablerocks just slow you down.”

“What, you're able to calculate the weight-to-gold without a tablerock?” Fili asked. “That's... impressive.”

“Nori taught me” Kili answered quickly. “And Dori. They're the one who're good. I made mistakes for years while learning how to do it.”

“Yeah, well, that happens when you're learning” Ori said in a surprisingly soft tone. “Can you write a decent activity report too?”

“I... suppose so” Kili said. “I've been handing some of them to you for years now. Nori and Dori are often too busy for it.”

“They were quite alright” Fili smiled, stroking gently Kili's head. “I didn't know you could do all that too.”

“Well, I-”

“So” Ori cut him short, “Are you a virgin or not?”

Fili frowned at that, while Kili gazed worriedly at his luckily busy brothers.

“I... am; could we please not discuss that when they are here?”

“You are, then” Ori smiled a bit coyly. “See brother, I told you so. Now, as _you_ prefer the experienced dwarves to fool around, may I suggest that you let that little scholar-to-be in my care, as I, for one-”

“Ori, brother, if you finish that sentence I swear they'll find you drowned deep in a barrel of your own tears.”

“Oh come on Fili, he's too good for you.”

“Well maybe he's got something to say about it?”

“Err, I...”

“Can _you_ convert the WTG without a tablerock, brother? That's more _my_ kind of things. I'd also rather have a gentle partner to teach about-”

“Seriously no, that's not funny.”

“-while you prefer the knowledgeable ones.”

“I'm a quick learner” Kili assured while sending Fili a somewhat worried glance. “I'm no good now, but I'll learn in no time, I'll put much effort into it, I'll even exercise and-”

He probably noticed that he was saying silly stuff because he started blushing furiously.

“I'm... not good enough, and I know it” he said. “But I _am_ hard-working and good willed and I _will_ do my best to... to...”

There, he bit his lips and started looking miserable, so he decided to stretch his mouth into a wide, goofy grin instead. “I am not good enough for Fili now, but I _will_ prove myself and become worth it if I can” he said.

Ori noticed that his brother looked more enamoured than ever at that. And when Fili laughed and hugged the taller dwarf while calling him his absolutely perfect perfection, which was stupid, and started kissing him all over again, which was stupider, he couldn't help but feel the tiniest pinch of jalousy nibbling at his heart.  


	7. He likes me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Previously, on that silly fic of mines:   
> “So” Ori cut him short, “Are you a virgin or not?” Kili gazed worriedly at Fili.   
> “You are, then” Ori smiled a bit coyly. “See brother, I told you so. Now, as you prefer the experienced dwarves to fool around, may I suggest that you let that little scholar-to-be in my care, as I, for one-”  
> “I'm a quick learner” Kili assured. He probably noticed that he was saying silly stuff because he started blushing furiously.

The door banged open on Fili, startling both dwarves away from their reading.

“Ori! I can't find Kili anywhere, have you seen h-”

“He's in here with me. Seriously Fili, you have to get over your control issues.”

Fili frowned.

“I don't have control issues. What are you doing here, Kee? I looked for you everywhere, and even your brothers didn't know where you'd gone!”

Kili looked at him in confusion

“I've been here all morning with your brother... I didn't know you were looking for me!”

Fili rolled his eyes then went to sit by his side on his chair.

“Why wouldn't I be looking for you?” he smiled. “We haven't seen each other at all since last night.”

Ori chuckled in the background, and Fili sent him a murderous glance.

“You're so mushy” Ori said. “I'd never heard you speak like that to any other of your... _not_ -one-night-standers.”

Kili avoided Fili's eyes at that, so the blond dwarf snuck an arm around him and brought his forehead to his brown hair. “Some of us get to fool around before finding someone really worth staying with” he whispered. “So what? Hey, what is that you're reading?”

“I'm giving your _not_ -one-night-stander a lecture about how to make sweet, sweet love”, Ori said, getting up from his own chair to reach his brother's head and pat it mockingly. “Take it from me, he _does_ need the advice.”

Fili frowned so suddenly, so darkly it seemed like a storm cloud had entered the room... well, storming.

“You. Are. _WHAT?_ ”

Ori answered with a smug smile, and Kili by looking very embarrassed. “I... was looking for you, and...”

Fili casted a murderous look towards his brother.

“To be fair, I most probably _do_ need the advice” Kili pointed out. “Ori told me a bit about your, err... Well, let's say I'm absolutely not ready to follow on any of _them_ , on any level, so I figured-”

“Well then, you should have come to _me_ ” Fili retorted, looking cross. “Ori's most probably just playing you as the like jerk he is (Ori looked quite proud of himself there) and, of all the persons who know what _I_ like, _I_ am the one who knows it best. Got it?”

Kili looked at him as if the world had just collapsed.

“I apologise” he said quietly. “I should have thought of it.”

He then calmly closed the book he was holding, but Fili noticed his hands where trembling slightly.

“I will be in the practice field now, if you need me.”

He then forced himself to smile and handed the book back to Ori.

“Thank you for your assistance” he said. Then he departed looking as emotionless as possible.

As soon as the door closed behind him, Fili turned to Ori with fury written in red letters all over his face.

“HOW COULD YOU?” he growled. “You _know_ how much I like him, so _why on Middle Earth_ would you pull one of you _idiotic_ pranks on _him_?”

“In my defense, I didn't know he was so sensitive!” Ori answered, annoyed. “He really looked like he was about to cry... You'd never fooled around with someone that... well, I don't know the word for it, but if there was one, it would be synonymous to “over sensitive”, “over emotional”, “childlike” and “not over his growing-up issues yet”. Seriously Fili? _This_ guy?”

“I know you like him dirty elf, so shut up and listen! You are _not_ to pull a prank like this again, understood? If you want yourself a Kili, find one of your own!”

Ori started looking mad too. “What makes you believe I would want such a crybaby anyway? Someone blind to their own self? That's the worth kind of people anyone could date. I sure hope you'll have fun dwarfling-sitting.”

Fili punched him hard at that, or at least would have if Ori had not always been such an agile awful man.

“You're not fooling me” Fili cringed. “We _both_ know there's more to him than self-esteem issues. So _STAY. AWAY._ FROM _THIS ONE_.”

 

 _I'm not that bad at archery_.

An arrow, which missed the center entirely.

_I'm not that bad at hunting._

Another, which also missed the blank.

_I'm..._

Kili didn't shoot this one. He looked at the target, trying to focus and make the trembling stop and to keep the tears inside where they belonged.

_I'm stupid. I am so, so stupid. I shouldn't have stayed in that room. I should just have kept on looking for Fili as I'd planned to. Everyone would have done that, everyone would have known listening to Ori was a bad idea. Everyone would... Dori would have known how to get out of it. And I... I'm so, so utterly stupid. Why wasn't I born clever like everyone else? I'm... I'm..._

Kili put his bow down a moment, swiftly swiping away the tears.

 _Don't give up_ , he thought. _You're doing good. Pretty good. Well, almost not bad. You can do it. Keep going. Focus on the target, nothing else. Just shoot._

He lifted his bow again and readied an arrow.

 _He likes me_ , he thought, and shot the border of the target. _He likes me not_.

The tears he had just swept away where still blurring his sight, but he believed that was part of his punishing for being such an awful person. That was just an added handicap he had to overcome because he was such a stupid dwarf. He had to prove himself double.

 _He likes me_. Arrow. _He likes me not_. Another arrow.

He started to breath again. Alright.

 _I'm not that bad an archer_.

He started the litany all over again, repeating the list of things he was probably not that totally awful at even thought he certainly was not good, trying to stick into his thick, idiotic skull that self-esteem issues were totally overdue at his age. At any age even, maybe.

“I am not mad at you” Fili said behind his back.

Fili always came in from behind, even though Kili had told him countless time how dangerous it was to enter the practicing field unannounced when some archer was actually practicing.

Kili took a deep breath, trying to compose himself before facing him. He stared at the target, full of arrows, and did his best to curve up the side of his lips into a convincing grin.

“I would understand if you were” he said, not daring to face him yet.

His voice was trembling a little, so he took some time to breathe calmly, and soundlessly, so Fili wouldn't notice. Breathing would lessen the trembling.

“Well, I am not” Fili answered. “I was mad at Ori though, because he always teases my dwarf-friends, even when I've explicitly told him not to. It's like, some test of some kind, or whatever; _he_ 's the one with control issues.”

Kili nodded, still focused on the target and breathing evenly.

“I shouldn't have talked with him about those this, though” he said. “I didn't mean to, but I know it wasn't right.”

“It's fine” Fili answered, taking him into his arms. “I'm always worried about that because Ori stole someone away from me once, which was not very pleasant. But you're not going anywhere are you?”

Kili finally looked at him, his eyes a bit too shiny as if he'd been crying, and hugged him back.

“I don't know if I'm going anywhere, but I sure don't want to.”

Fili smiled. “Well then” he said, kissing his hair.

They stayed silence for a moment, both holding on to each other. Then Kili gathered enough courage to speak his mind.

“Fee? I'm... I am really no good at all in sleeping with someone. I... and I know you'd rather be with someone who has so-”

“So what?” Fili interrupted. “Sex can be pretty boring when you're with someone you don't care about, so of course pleasure comes first then. But with you? I'm pretty sure it'll be a bit different. And I'm kinda looking forwards watching you discover what it's all about. I'm pretty sure that will be entertaining as hell.”

Kili smiled a little.

“I'm not sure I know how to do it right.”

“I'm pretty confident nobody actually does. Even the cocky ones. We'll just have to cook up our own kind of right.”

Kili's smile looked much more sincere by then.

“So you'll tell me what to do?”

Fili pondered.

“Nope.” he decided. “I will explain to you the mechanics, then we'll do what we _both_ want to do.”

“Even _I_ know the mechanics” Kili answered with a little pout.

Fili grinned.

“Then let's put that knowledge into good practice!” he exclaimed.

Kili smiled and pulled gently at his breaded mustache. “I'm supposed to go on a hunting trip this afternoon. We're running low on supplies.”

“Oh well” Fili sighed dramatically, “I'll just have to learn how to survive half a day away from you.”

Then he kissed him, and spent the following hours comparing Kili's mastership of the bow to other, unrelated physical activities in a sly attempt to make him blush.  


	8. He likes me not

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NB : AU where Kili's Nori and Dori's brother while Ori is Fili's. 
> 
> Things are going smoothly between Fili and Kili, but for sex: there is none, and Fili would very much like to change that.

It felt good, watching Kili practice. Peaceful. Relaxing. Hot. 

Fili coughed and twitched uncomfortably. Yes, hot was probably the best adjective that came to mind, now that he thought of it. 

Mostly because the sun was high, but especially because Kili shone brighter than said star.

Which is a metaphor for: as the sun was high, Kili had gotten rid of his shirt and looked now all shiny from being sweaty. 

So much for the peaceful and relaxing. 

Fili scratched his ear, thinking about the last time they had spoken of sleeping together, a week ago, before Kili had to go on a hunting trip. He counted the days on his fingers since they had started meddling together, and sighed when he realised that was the longer he had ever lasted without having sex in a relationship. 

Now, he liked the lad alright, but that was starting to... itch. He kinda liked sex. 

He was so caught on by his brooding he startled when Kili came to join him on the grass, still sweaty and slightly panting from the exercise, a broad smile on his face. 

“I got better, I think!” he exclaimed, for once satisfied with himself. 

Now, that had to stop, Fili thought. He was going to give the dwarf a piece of his mind, and they were going to have passionate, sweaty sex in the grass _this instant_.

“I'm glad you came to watch me practice” Kili added, a goofy, proud grin replacing his previous smile. “I shouldn't be showing-off, but this training session turned out quite alright, and I'm happy it is the one you saw.”

Fili's heart pinched slightly at that and, instead of straight-off jumping him in the green grass, he gently took his bandaged hands. 

“They are not trembling as badly as usual” he noticed. “You didn't strained yourself too much, for once.”

Kili paled a bit. 

“I... I-”

“I'm happy you didn't” Fili interrupted. “I don't like seeing you hurt.”

Kili looked slightly reassured at that, and he put his in head on the other's shoulder. 

Fili smiled and, sliding his arm around Kili's shoulders, decided humping his bones could wait a bit longer. 

 

*

 

Kili was looking at him, as always. His brown eyes followed each and every of his gestures, especially focused when Fili hammered hard on the metal hammer he was making. 

Yes, he was hammering a hammer. Farmers needed them far more than pretty daggers or deadly weapons. 

And Kili wasn't missing any of it. 

He looked so attentive Fili just _had_ to show-off, proudly displaying his sweaty muscles and the strength in his arm. He loved when the other's mouth slightly gaped open in awe. 

“Fili, you're messing this up” Thorin said in a stern, cold tone. 

The blond dwarf startled and quickly went back to his forging, not daring to look at his lover... yet. 

He properly smithed the tool while the other dwarf busied himself making arrows and sewing up a hole in his trousers. But when the hammer was done and it was time to clear the anvil, Fili's eyes wandering back to Kili's, who was looking down at his work. 

He had pretty eyelashes, Fili thought. And a pretty long nose. And ears not quite as big as they could be, but still nicely huge. 

When Kili's head moved up as he was examining his sewing, his half-pouting lips shone wetly in the firelight, and Fili's imagination slowly ignited.

He was going to wait for Thorin and Ori to go, he thought. He was going to ask a hand from Kili for cleaning a bit the smith-shop, and ordering the tools. And as soon as the door would close, he would take him by the hips, sit him on his anvil and smith him right away. 

Kili's eyes found his own, a bit dumbfounded at his expression, then the young dwarf grinned goofily at him. 

“Do you want me to stay up at the forge later on, Fee? I could help you clean up this mess!” 

Fili closed his eyes for a split second, seeing red hot fire, passion and sweat behind the closed lids; but when he opened them he simply declined the offer. 

“I'm sure Nori and Dori would want you back home by then. It's almost night already!”

Kili got up to come to him. 

“Guess I'll see you tomorrow, then” he said with a thin, worried smile. 

He always thought Fili was getting bored of him, or angry with him, or other silly stuff when Fili told him to go away. 

“I'll come fetch you first thing in the morning” he promised. “It's market day, remember?”

Kili leaned in but, and he often did, shied away instead of kissing him. 

“If you want a kiss, you'll have to give a kiss” Fili whispered in his ear, gently taking a handful of brown hair to nearer Kili's face from his. 

The other hesitated before landing a soft peck on his mouth. Then he looked at him expectantly, probably worried, anxious as to having done good. 

Fili sighed and kissed him properly. 

There was no way Kili would be fine with sweatiest matters yet. 

He would just have to wait. 

 

*

Fili was cleaning the table in his room when he heard a light cough behind his back. 

“Hey, Kili! Hadn't seen you there. Did it go alright?”

He threw a book for him to catch, and reorganised Ori's stuff on the table. His brother was the messiest maniac he'd even met. 

“It was... fine” Kili said in a voice lower than usual. “Err... Do you need help?”

“Nope, I'm already done! Throw me that book back. Careful! It's Ori new favourite, an accounting journal he loves so much he probably dreams about it. You wanted something?”

Kili licked his lips, looking embarrassed. “I... It's difficult to say.”

“Try me” Fili smiled, and he gave a satisfied pat on the newly arranged table before going to embrace him. 

Kili kissed him gently on the cheek, as usual, then asked him about their new sword moves. He had not quite caught how to perform them and wanted some explanations. Fili sighed, because he was actually supposed to go fetch water from the wheel and help with the diner later on, but he still nodded and they both sat on his bed while he proceeded with the explaining. 

Kili sat oddly still, watching him attentively and looking a bit nervous. 

“You are not listening to me” Fili suddenly noticed.

Kili bit his bottom lip and flushed. “No.”

Fili sighed. “Well then, why would you ask something and then not pay attention to the answer?” He was feeling a bit irritated, mostly because of the chores he still had to complete and the fact that he was a bit tired. 

Kili carefully looked at his feet. 

“Fee, do you... do you want to...” 

“What?” Fili said a bit harshly. “Kee, I love you and all but I still have to get water for diner tonight, so if you could just...”

He sighed and leaned in to kiss the other gently. “I don't have time to talk much right now, alright? I'll make it up to you when I come back.” He leaned in for another kiss, but this time Kili met his lips half-way with a boldness he had not displayed before. Then he looked at him expectantly. 

“If... if you want...” he said. 

Fili didn't quite understand what Kili was trying to imply, but the water of the wheel could very much wait the time of a little making-out, so he proceeded to do so, methodically. 

Then a bit more passionately. 

Then, when he decided water and wheels could very much stay where they were thank you very much, he turned downright enthousiastic. 

At some point of the kissing though, when they where both lying on the bed and right in the middle of a contest of who would tickle the other best, Ori entered the room. 

And sighed. 

“No, seriously Fili, _again_? When will I ever have the possibility to peacefully _sleep_ in that room? Oh, it's Kili, hi!”

“What- what do you mean, 'it's me'?” Kili asked, a bit disheveled, while sitting back up. 

“Well, it's the first time I see _you_ flattened down on that bed, is it? Actually don't mind me, I'll be very fine with watching this- as long as Fili gets out of the room, that is.”

Fili rolled his eyes and gruntled. “Ori. Busy. OUT.”

“Ah come on! And you haven't fetched any water yet, am I right?”

“You still owe me for last time, remember? You go fetch it.”

“There's a cute dwarf in a bed in my room, and you want me to get out?”

“Yes. And stop flirting with him.”

“I'm not. By the way Kili, have I told you how attractive you look when your hair his a mess?”

At that, Fili decided to takes matters, which is, Ori, in hands to get him out himself, but the dwarf was clever enough to run away before he got a chance to catch him. 

“You are too good for him!” he exclaimed in Kili's direction as he passed the doorstep. “But _I_ 'm alright, so come straight to me when you're done with this one!”

Fili slapped the door shut and turned back to Kili, fuming. 

“Brothers!” he cringed. “If you ever leave me for him, I'll just properly hang myself or go live with elves in the Evergreen forest.”

Kili smiled. He was lying on his back, his brown hair a mess, peacefully looking at him, enticing in the purest of ways. Fili came to sit by his side. 

“Maybe we should call it a night, though. Or you could stay and sleep here with me, that would be nice. What do you say?'

Kili took in a deep breath. “No.” he said in a very determined, very low voice, almost a whisper. 

Fili looked surprised. The other gently tugged on a bread of his mustache. 

“I would like...” Kili started, but then he paused and swallowed his words. He took another breath in. “I... want... (he closed his eyes) ...you.”

He then opened his eyes in a panic. “If... if that is you want me, that is” he added quickly, a knot clearly stuck in his throat. 

Fili's eyes, which had opened bright and sparkled at Kili's first words, then narrowed mischievously. 

“Well, I don't come cheap, but I'm pretty sure we arrange something...”


	9. You can't trust a flower.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AU where Fili's Ori's brother and Kili's Dori and Nori's.
> 
> Everything is going smoothly between Fili and Kili: Kili got fluff, Fili's happily dealing with the smut... but everybody knows life always comes with a mandatory side order of angst.

Waking up was the hard part. Because Ori had been snoring in the nearest bed (which meant he had at some point sneaked up on them to crawl into bed), and because Nori was yelling at them. 

Nori hadn't sneaked up at all. 

He had come barging in, almost knocking the door down, and had then proceeded to the yelling. 

Yelling what? Kili wasn't sure. Something about him not coming back home last night and worrying his brothers, apparently. He massaged his head in a vain attempt to waken himself more. Blinking his eyes repeatedly, his gaze crossed Fili's who was lying next to him looking incredibly smug. An half-mocking smile seemed pasted on his face by some intense self-satisfaction powered glue. 

“We slept together” Fili said to Ori with great proudness, as if some kind of explanation was actually needed to the reason why Kili was naked next to him in bed. “It was great!”

That, he added out of an immense sense of well-being that Nori's cries didn't manage to bring down. 

“Would you stop screaming, Nori, please” Kili pleaded, still half-asleep, while covering his ears. “I'm sorry I got you to worry, I just didn't think to come back home and tell you where I'd be.”

“I betcha didn't” Ori chuckled from the other bed. “I betcha mind wasn't exactly focused on that issue, teh eh eh...”

“Shut up” Nori said. “Kili, we're going home to talk about your conduct. Now get up and get dressed.”

At that, Fili sat down and put a protective (or possessive) arm around the brunette. “He's not going anywhere, he just came here!”

“I bet he did...” Ori giggled. 

“Ori, OUT” Fili ordered, annoyed. 

“Hey, it's my room too” his brother replied. “And I'm not leaving when there's good drama in the air.”

“He's right my prince, do shut up” Nori cut him sharply. “Kili, up!”

“I'm not going!” Kili replied automatically, shocked at his brother's rudeness. “I said I was sorry, and anyway I'm here now, so it's fine, right?”

“No it's not!” Nori yelled again. “We've been out looking for you _everywhere_. We've even checked the human encampments to see if you hadn't lost your way again, and nobody could tell us where you were!”

“I could had” Ori offered unhelpfully. “If you'd found me. But I don't blame you, Thorin and I were quite busy spying on that grey wizard Dwalin had told us about. He's staying in the forest, that man. Why didn't you think of looking for us in the deep, dark forest?”

“Not helping” Fili said while picking up clothes from the floor and either putting them on or handing them back to Kili. “Well, your brother's here, now” he told Nori. “So all is fine, right?”

Nori looked exasperated. 

“We thought he was dead. We thought he'd been taken away by humans again. Or that he'd got lost in the woods. We went mad with anxiety, and here he was, fooling around with the likes of you, while all he had to do was to tell us he wouldn't be coming home!”

“What do you mean, 'the likes of me'?” Fili quoted. 

“He means less handsome than I” Ori replied. 

“I should have told you, and I'm sorry” Kili said. “But I'm fine, so can we let it go now?”

“Do you promise to always tell us where you go from now on?”

“No!” Kili exploded. “I'm not a dwarfling anymore, Nori! I can handle myself, and I can very well decide to spend the night in the house of my liking! Why on Middle-Earth can't you two truth me on this?”

“ _Because you're an idiot!_ ” Nori retorted briskly. “Because you'd follow anyone who'd be asking nicely for a favour from you, even if they're humans or complete strangers, and that you'd believe everything you're told!”

“That was _years_ ago!”

“Only _last week_ you believed that human who sold you a pot for twice its price!”

“Well, Fili's not human so I can trust him and so can you! Now would you stop being such a pain an-”

“ _Fili's only with you because of a bet he made!_ ” Nori screamed, exasperated. 

He seemed to instantly regret his words, and the silence that followed felt very awkward. Ori looked un-at-ease, and Fili's mouth was gaping open in shock. 

“What do you mean?” asked Kili softly. 

Nori hesitated. “Look, it's not important. Let's just go home, Dori's still mad worried about you, alright?”

“No, no, I want to know” Kili insisted, looking both at his brother and Fili, who seemed to have been crushed on the spot by an Oliphant. 

“I meant nothing by it, I made it up” Nori said. “Let's just go ho-”

“It was nothing” Fili said. “We were at the tavern, with friends, and it was a long time ago.”

He now remembered the scene vividly. He hadn't noticed Nori – or was it Dori? Yes, that seemed like Dori in a corner of his memory. 

“We had been drinking, and we were saying nonsense, really. Like drunk elves.”

Kili was waiting for the tavern wench to notice him; Fili hadn't seen him at first. It was Ori who had mentioned him, pointing out the ugly, shy dwarf to the others. “Ain't he a sight!” he had said. “Poor thing's a mess, who'd ever want a dwarf like him?”

“He's quite the archer” Dwalin had said. “And he's very resilient. It'd be an honour for anyone.”

“You're only saying that because you've got a thing for Dori. Well Dori isn't here”, Ori had replied without noticing he was wrong, “so I dare you to say you'd bed that thing with no additional incentive.”

Fili, who was already quite drunk, had stopped to look at the brunette then, puzzled at his brother's words. He didn't find Kili that appealing. He even liked his weird face, in a way; it seemed genuine, and open, maybe a bit too young perhaps. 

“I wouldn't mind” Dwalin was saying sternly. “If you'd practiced with him, you'd see him differently, Ori.”

“Oh come on, I don't believe you” the prince had said. Moreover, how would you ever get pass by his two watchdogs? They would stare at you 'til you die.”

“I bet I could” Fili had said without thinking, his eyes still on Kili -who then looked at him by accident and immediately adverted his eyes, looking embarrassed. “He's kinda cute actually.”

“You're only saying that” Ori said. “But you're on. I'll pay for your ale for one week -wait, wait, one month! If you dare lay that duckling. But if you don't, I'll get that new sword you've made for yourself.”

“Weaksauce” Fili retorted. “Just hand me money over already.”

 

“Those were just drunken words” Fili told the brown-haired dwarf. “I had totally forgotten about them.”

“Well, you still said them” Nori pointed out, a bit bitter. “Kili's not a prize, even for a prince.”

“Seriously, I meant nothing with them” said prince insisted, turning to Kili. “I thought better to be honest now, but please tell me you're not mad. It was just a stupid nothing.”

“I'm not mad”, Kili said slowly. “I don't know what I expected, really; I just should have figured.”

“No” Fili said. “No, I'm not- not because of a bet, no. I _like you,_ Kee, I really, _really_ do. I _swear_ I do, if you can still believe me.”

“It's fine” Kili said quietly. “Either way, you're still with me, right? Even if... well.”

Tears suddenly came pouring out of his eyes, which he wiped away just as quickly. 

“Guess I really _am_ stupid” he muttered. 

Fili locked his arms around him. 

“No, Kee, just listen, I _do_ like you. That 'bet' has nothing to do with us being there together”. 

“It's fine” Kili said. “Don't worry, it's all fine, I get it.”

“Well apparently you don't!”

Kili dried the remains of his tears and gently pecked Fili on the cheek. 

“No, I do, I get it Fee. It's fine.”

He then got out of Fili's embrace an up of bed. 

“I know you think I'm stupid” he said to Nori. “But I'm not, not that much anyway. And I'm not useless. I am... I'm just the average clod. I'd be nice if you and Dori could acknowledge that sometimes.”

“Kee...”

“I need a moment alone, I think, please” Kili said. 

He then went out, not even looking back to Fili, who was still laying in bed, a desperate look on his face. 

“ _Now you've done it!_ ” he cringed to Nori. “What use was it to tell him that? You _know_ I truly like him!”

“I didn't mean to!” Nori retorted. “I just can't stand you looking so pleased with yourself after having bedded him, as if you weren't going to play him like all the others.”

“Well I'm not” Fili replied dryly. “He's not a fling or whatever, I genuinely enjoy his company, and you shouldn't be meddling in our business. You are too protective of him, Nori.”

“Well you would be too if you'd noticed _how stupid_ he happens to be!” Nori blurted out. “Dori and I keep asking him to be careful and wary of strangers, but he keeps throwing his trust as them and believing every single stupid lie they say -as if people were actually worthy of his trust. He's an idiot! He's like a child! He's always easy-going and gullible, he never gets it when people are trying to hurt or trick him -he's always, _always_ putting himself in danger and fooling around with humans- do you have _any idea_ how irresponsible he can be?”

“He's _not_ a child” Fili retorted coldly. “Give him some credit. He's very capable.”

“ _Do you have any idea how much it would hurt to lose him?_ ” Nori cried. “Because I do, and Dori does, because that stupid, idiotic brother of ours once happened to believe a nice human who told him we where waiting for him in his farm -and if we had not been incredibly, _unbelievably_ lucky that day we would never have seen him again -because he had been waiting with that man for a caravan of comprachicos who would have bought him away. You have not idea, you just have _no idea_ of the pain we felt when we understood that we would've lost him. So you don't get to tell how to look after my little brother, because I _absolutely_ don't care about whatever you have to say. I am _not_ getting him out of my sight again, and you _don't_ get a say in the matter. You, you've got the throne, you've got Erebor, such delusions; Dori and I, that's all we have, that's all we've got left from Erebor, our families, everything, him. He's the one thing we can't afford to loose, and you can say you 'like' him or whatever, but you're never going to care as much as Dori and I do. So woo him, bed him, fool around or whatever, but don't you imagine for even one second he's yours. He'll never be. You're only Fili after all, and you don't deserve him. Nobody does.”

 

“Well, that was weird” Ori commented after Nori had left, banging the door loudly in the process. “But I have to agree, you don't deserve the chap. Can I get him?”

“Will you _stop speaking about him like he's property_?!” Fili blurted out. “We don't get to choose with whom he'll stay, _he_ does. _What's wrong with the lot of you?_ Can't _he_ get a say in anything?”

“The dwarf choose _you_ ” Ori replied. “Everybody can agree his judgement is clearly impaired.”

Fili grunted in exasperation and threw a pillow at Ori's face. 

“That's not funny!”

“Of course it is” Ori smiled. “Because you're suddenly polite and nice and clearly caring about someone while you used to forget about your night-standers hair-colour. Also, you tend to blush when you get jealous; that, _that's_ fun.”

“I'm not jealous.”

“You're protective.”

“And I don't blush.”

“No, you just stay as pale as a soup of tomatoes.”

Fili smiled a little, then he sighed. 

“I don't know, Ori. He's turned my world upside down. I _do_ care about him, and I'd like for him to get better, to start trusting himself. And he's making efforts, truly, he is, but with the like of his brothers always hanging around, telling him how not perfect he is...”

“What, you don't think he's you perfect perfection?” Ori mocked. 

“I think he's the perfect one for _me_ ” the other answer. “When we are together it... it _fits_ , if you know what I mean. It's _how it should be_. We just _belong_ , together. We're home.”

Ori stayed silent, for once.

“Like Erebor” Fili added after a little pondering. “He's like being back in Erebor, and being a prince there again. I don't need more. I'm just... I'm fine. It's all fine, and that's perfect. It's like being back home after an unexpected journey, sitting in a chair, looking at the fire, feeling comfortable, and thinking kindly of all the things that happened.”

“Only it's not fine” Ori remarked. “Because your chair and your fire are not very confident they are doing a good job at... chairing and firing, I suppose.”

Fili looked at him with a smirk. 

“See, you _can_ make a clever remark from time to time. Now, enough chatting; I have to find and check on Kee.”

 

*

“What do you mean, 'not here'?” Fili asked, exasperated. “I've been looking _everywhere!_ ”

“It's as I said” the man repeated, “I've seen no other dwarf than you today. Now if I may, I'm quite busy.”

“ _Where on Middle-Earth_ _can he be?_ ” the prince cringed. 

“You've been looking all day now” Ori replied. “And Thorin is really getting impatient, so that's final, this time I'm taking you back with me to the meeting.”

“I don't care about your stupid meeting, I have to find him!” Fili retorted. “He's been missing for hours!”

“He's probably sitting alone in a dark corner, pouting and making faces” Ori answered. “Don't worry about him now, worry about the state of your ears if Thorin catches you yet not coming.”

Ori wasn't the only dwarf wary of the state of his ears; nine others had joined the meeting: there were Dwalin and Balin, one on each side of Thorin Oakenshield, the three brothers Bifur, Bofur and Bombur, old Oin and his hearing device, Dori, and of course Ori and Fili. Nori and Kili were nowhere to be seen, and Dori looked saddened. 

“Where is Gloin?” Balin asked Oin in a loud voice so the older one could hear him. 

“Home with his wife, having an argument”, answered Bofur helpfully. “She was the one supposed to come, but little Gimli wants her home”. 

“No child ought to come”, Thorin declared. “This is no journey for the small and frail. For we are gathered here to take back Erebor.”

Even though everyone already knew that, Thorin's phrasing made an impression. He had a way of saying things that turned what he was talking about into something special. 

However, unimpressed by his uncle's regal speeches, Fili wormed his way to Dori's side. 

“Where are Nori and Kili?” he asked in a whisper. “I looked for Kee everywhere today, and I couldn't find him.”

Dori glanced at him, looking sad. 

“Nori's home” he eventually answered in a soft tone, slowly. “He couldn't come to the meeting, he's too upset.”

“And Kili?” the prince insisted, a bit irritated at the fact that Dori was clearly trying to avoid his question. 

“He's... well.” Dori swallowed and looked back at Thorin, who was now declaring his intention of bringing back Erebor to his former glory. “You should listen to your uncle, young prince; his speech will be the air you breath for the long months to come.”

“I know what he's saying by heart” Fili cringed (He didn't. Not the entire speech anyway). “I only want to know where Kili is, and if you don't tell me I'll just go to your house and annoy Nori some more.”

For a moment, Dori's lips trembled. Then he sniffed and fumbled in his pocket, out of which he got a square of paper. 

“There” he told Fili, giving him the thing. “Read it, but keep quiet, dwarfling.”

Fili took the note and looked at the few words written in Kili's careful handwriting:

 

“I have to prove myself.”

 

“There is nothing more” Dori whispered sadly. “He took his things -his bow, some clothing, his...” Dori's voice broke down. “The idiot forgot his knife”.

Fili couldn't say a word.

“Nori's looking for him, I think, but the fishermen said that he's probably hours aways from here, now. He took a boat.”

 _He didn't... he didn't even say goodbye_.

“Where is he going?” Fili whispered. “Do you have any idea?”

“Erebor”, was saying Thorin in a louder voice. “There is where we ought to live, there is where every dwarf has their home”.

“Erebor” Dori whispered slowly. “We think that is where he's heading”. 

“And we shall go” Thorin pursued grandly, magnificent, “as soon as the light of dawn touches the very top of the mountains.”

“But that's three days from now!” Bofur said. “I won't have time to pack up my toothbrush!”

His retort and his brothers scolding him provoked a little commotion and agitation among the assembly, who then divided in small conversation groups who all commented on what Thorin had just said. Ori had joined Bofur to make snarky remarks and they went along quite well, while his brothers where repeating part of the speech to Oin. Thorin, Dwalin and Balin where discussing the logistics and details of the journey, speaking of a meeting in the Shire with a Wizard and some Hobbit-folk; Dori was with them, even though he kept silent, a grim look on his face. And Fili...

Well, Fili just didn't care.


	10. Un bouquet de regrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AU where Kili and Ori's families are inverted.
> 
> Kili's gone. Fili's not dealing with it very well. Hopefully, everybody's going on a journey to fight dragons and get back Erebor and stuff. Super.

“Has it been cancelled?” Ori said in an half mocking tone. “Why, nobody told us!”

The Hobbit's face dropped as the brothers came in, Fili making a point in exaggerating his natural go-forwardness by rolling its shoulders. 

He had to these days, nothing seemed easy to do or say anymore. Faking it was the easiest way to feeling better, and at times it didn't seem so hard at all. 

But he couldn't get Kili out of his head., no more than out of his heart, and it was driving him insane. 

Where was he? What was he doing? Was he alright? Who was he with? Maybe he had replaced him with someone else. What exactly did he intend to do? How far of from Erebor? What did he intend to do there? Had he met any elves? Had humans been fair to him?

Ori's hand on his shoulder drove him out of his pondering. 

“There's a barrel of comforting quantity just waiting for us to drink it dry, brother. Are you with me on this one?”

“Of course I am!” Fili exclaimed in forced enthusiasm. “Do you take me for a human? I could drink this whole house if it were filled with beer.” 

Ori was no fool, but he tapped Fili's shoulder in a meaningful way, saying that was what he wanted to hear, and then pulling him along to get said barrel's content in their mugs.

Fili nodded and smiled and laughed at diner, and even felt better for a while when they sang and pranked the Hobbit into thinking they would break all his plates. The Hobbit, that Bilbo folk, was quite a funny one. He looked soft and mushy, but he wouldn't let impressive Mr Dwalin steal his cookies and even fought Ori, who was playing dumb for the funs of it, over a bunch of tomatoes. 

He fainted quite well, however, when Bofur mentioned Smaug and his fierce, firy ways, from which Fili deduced Mr Bilbo was ready to die for all kinds of food except barbecue.

The Song Of The Lonely Mountain brought him down again. 

He couldn't picture the mountain, he couldn't picture Erebor, he just remembered how he used to think of himself and Kili returning there together, hand in hand, smiling, even laughing, and Fili taking him inside the palace to show him around, or taking him inside the throne chamber in more literal ways. 

“You will be alright, eventually” Ori whispered to him when they went to sleep afterwards. “It will take some time, but you will get over him.”

 _I don't want to get over him_ , Fili thought. _I want to get with him._

“You have no idea how much I miss him” he replied. “It's like something in me has been ripped away. He took a piece of me when he left, and I don't know what or how to make it grow back.”

“You'll find a way” his brother said. “Just give it time.”

 _Time is not enough to fill this void_ , Fili thought, but he nodded and then pretended to fall asleep. 

Those were grim days.

 

Then trolls happened, and orcs, and singing Goblin Kings, and fire in trees, and too big to be true eagles, disappearing magicians, disappearing poneys, disappearing Hobbits, disappearing food (but at least they'd know where the food had disappeared to), and Fili stopped feeling heart-broken and depressed. 

He became heart-broken and depressed and _angry_ instead. 

He started resenting Kili for all that pain. He started downright _hating_ him for making him this sad and miserable and unable to forget about him all the time. 

He started calling him a liar and selfish, he started inventing ways of hating him. 

The worst part was, he couldn't, not really. 

The worst part was, no matter how much he tried to pretend he would just never be able to trust him again, and just wanted to run away from the mere thought of him, the worst part was, he missed him. So. Terribly. Much. 

He felt like food was easier to give up than him. He felt like Smaug was a cool pen pal to have as compared to entertaining such a relationship with the pain of losing Kili. 

Nori had been right. This was unbearable. 

The Ri brothers did not look too heart-broken, but Fili knew they where. Dori didn't talk much, but for giving tactical advice or offering camomile infusions and gourmet food to all -Kili used to say he would always tell him how grateful he was for the attention, even if he actually detested tea. 

Nori was always grunting and trying to make everyone go on faster. He spend time calculating estimates to when they would finally arrive to Erebor, and almost bit Bofur when the dwarf asked him why the long face when they were staying at Beorn's house. 

So that made three very ill-tempered dwarves to deal with on the journey, not mentioning that Ori and Bofur had become best pals and did their personal best to prank and trick everybody (except Thorin), which very much annoyed and bothered everybody (except Thorin, who actually was their Very Secret Prank Counselor and gave them some advice). 

Fili preferred talking to the Hobbit than to Ori these days, because Bilbo seemed to understand about that unbearable feeling of loss. But mostly, he enjoyed his company because Bilbo would spend hours depicting how to grow potatoes or bake a cherry cake, and that was about as much drama as Fili could take. 

 

He hated himself, too. 

Because he wasn't able to take a hold of his pain and start behaving like a proper dwarf again 

Because he would rather relish in dark places and gloomy regrets than get back on his feet and straight into the battle. 

Because he needed a break, but didn't want to take one. 

Because he didn't know what he had done wrong, or what he could have done better. 

Because he hadn't been enough.

Because he hadn't been worth it. 

 

Because he missed him. 

 

*

 

Those were grim days.

 

*

 

Some time after leaving Beorn's, a bit before entering the dark forest, Dori took Fili aside and handed him a small piece of folded paper. 

“I was mad” he said, “that he would have left you a longer note that to us, his own brothers. But you ought to have it, anyway. So there.”

There was Fili's name written on it in slightly trembling letters. 

Both wary and expectant of what he would find inside, Fili carefully unfolded it. 

“Dear Fili,” said the letter. “When I'll come back to you, I will be a better dwarf. I will be worthy of you, and I will have accomplished enough to prove it.”

The following lines had been striken through, but Fili eventually managed to make sense out of them. Kili had written “I will understand if you choose to … someone else”. One of the words had been too damaged to read, but Fili guessed easily enough what it could have been. 

“I know I am being selfing, and I am sorry for all the trouble this brings you, but I really need to do this. I hope you will be able to forgive me.” The following words had been quickly stricken through “Please believe that I”, and Kili had eventually went for “I love you”, which had also been stricken through and replaced by “I'm sorry.”

A drop of water had almost erased the remaining words, the last line, the only one which was well written, almost blunt: “I do, love you”, and in the bottom corner Kili had roughly sketched a daisy, probably out of stress, one of those scribbles one almost doesn't notice when one is drawing them.

“There was something with it” Dori said. “A present of some sort, I suppose. It's...”

He sighed and took of the string of rope he wore as a necklace, to which was attached a small purse. People used to say he was carrying a lock of Dwalin's hair in it, but those people only said it in front of Dwalin and would have never dared to confront Dori with such speculations. 

Dori didn't give the small bag to Fili; he carefully removed one of the items it contained instead. “Here” he said. “Don't lose it.”

It wasn't actually Dwalin's hair, which was comforting.

But it was a lock of hair alright, a thin bread to be precise, with a hair-clasp still attached to it. 

Not the clasp Fili had made for Kili, just and average clasp, one Kili always wore to keep his bang out of his eyes. The braid was long and soft, brown, slightly disheveled where the hair had been cut. Fili's fingers curled around it slowly, intimately, already recognizing the remains of their lost lover.

“Don't lose it” Dori repeated. “If you don't want it, just give it back. But don't lose it.”

 

After that, Fili simply stopped talking. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is getting out of hands, and what should have been a one-shot is now a tad bigger. Kili won't be around for a bit, but I like him so he won't be gone for long. 
> 
> NB: There will probably be mentions of gender bend characters, incest and stuff, but it's not going to be relevant to the plot, just an AU thing about how I'm building dwarves' society. 
> 
> Also, this is digging into more personal stuff, so of course it's getting weirder and further away from canon -but who cares, it's an AU.


	11. Pluck my heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AU where Kili is Nori and Dori's brother while Ori is Fili's. 
> 
> Fili's having a hard time dealing with Kili's departure, and the fact that he's been imprisoned by those stinking Mirkwood elves doesn't help. Well, at least Ori's with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> W! It is implied that Ori and Fili may have had sex together !W

“A rock would be of better company than you are now, Fee” Ori said while massaging his wrist, which hurt because of the dampness of their prison. “Could you at least stop glooming? You're making this cell even darker, if that's possible.”

Fili didn't answer. He didn't see the point. 

They where in a cell, an elven cell at that, Thranduil's elven cell -nothing could top that. 

He absent-mindedly stroke the small purse he had made and tied to his necklace next to his heart, as Dori had done for keeping his own prized possessions. 

“At least help me find a way to get out of here” Ori grumbled. “If we manage to contact the others, maybe we can put something together.”

Fili sighed, then went back to his couch and just laid there, not doing anything. 

He had, actually, spend the last days trying to figure out ways of escaping. He had had trouble sleeping, and had decided to spy on their guards instead; but those damned elves left nothing unplanned and there was not a flaw in their surveillance schedule. 

Ori sighed and went to sit next to him. 

“Alright grumpy pants, time to get laid.”

Fili rolled his eyes and pushed him aside. 

“I wouldn't sleep with you in a thousand years, stupid. You're pushy, and afterwards, you snore.”

Sharing the same room implied having no intimacy, so both brothers knew everything of each other's nights. 

“Well, do you see anyone else here?” Ori mumbled. “And I know you, you're stressed and unhappy, and when you're stressed and unhappy, what you do is to have sex. So here I am, and if you're not satisfied with that, just do it by yourself, but _do it_. I'm sick of you being that lame.”

A muffled exclamation of surprise near the door had them jump to their feet. 

“Who's there?” Fili cried, going to the barred opening in their cell door. It was too high for them to see through it without pulling themselves up to its level, so he didn't even try, as usually the elves did not sneak up on them. That someone would spy on them was quite odd, and could be bad news.

“It is me, Bilbo”, a small voice whispered from behind the locked door. “I, err... I didn't mean to intrude.”

“Bilbo!” Ori exclaimed, pleased to see him. “How good it is to see you. I thought you were a prisoner too!”

“I managed to sneak in” Bilbo whispered. “I found the others too, but for Bofur and Oin, but I am pretty sure I they are in the nearby cells. And, erm, I can come back later...”

“Why, is something disturbing you, Hobbit?”

Bilbo seemed to hesitate, then blushed. 

“Well, you seemed pretty busy.”

Ori laughed. 

“Oh, Fili! I thought I might have found your salvation! Come in, Hobbit, sneak in through the bars; my brother here needs some relaxa-”

“Stop it Ori” Fili interrupted, annoyed. “Imagine how flustered you have made poor Mr Baggins. Gandalf told us Hobbits customs are quite different from ours, don't scare him away like last time.”

“I'm not scarred” Bilbo responded, a tad vexed. “I am just confused because I thought you too were brothers while you're obviously not, that's all.”

“We... _are_ brothers” Ori said.

“How is our uncle?” Fili asked, leaning on the door to hear better. “How are Dwalin and Balin? Is everyone alright?”

“I heard there is an injured dwarf” Bilbo answered, sounding as if he were looking at them oddly. “He stayed in the healing room at some point. Probably Bofur or Oin. But the others are fine. I'll give you further news when possible.”

“That is a good job Master Burglar” Ori said with a smile. “Now, if you could find a way to get us out of those stinky elves cells...”

“They're not stinky” the Hobbit protested. “They are quite alright for prison cells. Not that I have really stayed in one myself, but nonetheless. At least you have a bed.”

“Yes, beds are good” Ori yawned. “And you and my brother should share one, for I'm not that in the mood to do so.”

Bilbo stuttered some apology at that, something about running out of time and needing to find his chees- his way to Bofur and Oin. 

“I told you Hobbits habits were different from ours” Fili said after the burglar had ran away. “Remember the face he made when he understood our joking about Dwalin having a thing for Dori?”

“That's because he has no sense of humour” Ori answered. “Dwalin would never settle for Dori, he's to hung up on Thorin.”

“Yeah, I don't think that's what's disturbing the Hobbit” Fili said. “I am not sure what is though. Hobbits are like men, they have odd rules about who is supposed to like whom I believe. They have these lists of criteria and even ceremonies, Gandalf told us about it, remember? You have to swear to people you'll love them, and wear special sets of clothing, and offer them peculiar items. It's all very complicated.”

“I kinda drifted of when the old wizard said family was 'of limits'. I mean, if you can't rely on the only people you can trust, you're pretty much doomed, so there. Also, I don't like their 'female or male' weird mumbo jumbo. I'm not even sure what is it about, so I don't care. Do you think Bofur's doing alright?”

“I think his guards are probably pondering either or not to drown him in his own words” Fili said. “He's such a sweet talker, maybe he's playing cards with them and stripping them down to their breeches.”

“Bofur wouldn't stop at that” Ori smiled. 

“See, you're not worried either. Bofur's fine.”

“But he said there was an injured dwarf on the premisses.” Ori said. “That is quite worrying.”

“Elves are a pain, but they are no monsters, so they'll be taking care of him, I presume. Bilbo will tell us about that. We just have to be patient.”

 

*

 _Patient_.

*

 

“That's it, I've got enough, _patient_ is _not_ working.”

Having said, Ori proceeded to take the bars of their door cell in hands and shake them vigorously. 

“Please stay quiet in here!” exclaimed one of their guards from the other side of the corridor. The elves where pretty much used to their nonsense now, so they didn't bother coming to check on them anymore. “And what is that noise? Is it that rat again?”

“I think so” said the other guard. “We should put some food in the cup again, they empty it at a quite worrying rate.”

“A rat, hey?” Ori sniffed. “Poor Mr Baggins must be petrified.”

“I am, actually” the hobbit whispered from the door. “Mistaking me for a rat! Those elven people are not as civilised as I hoped they would be.”

“Bilbo!” Ori exclaimed in a low voice. “How glad to know you are here. How are things? Have you found Oin and Bofur yet?”

“I eventually did” the Hobbit whispered. “And they've moved Bofur with his brothers; they were thrilled to see him at first, and are a little less now they remember how chatty he can be. How are things with you two?”

“Fine” grumbled Fili. “When are we getting out?”

“I think I found a way”, Bilbo whispered. “But I'll take some time to arrange.”

“Great!” Fili whined. “That's all we have. Time!”

“How's Bofur injury?” Ori asked. “He is alright?”

“Bofur wasn't injured” Bilbo said. “Nobody was.”

“You said a dwarf was injured” Fili said, getting up at least and nonchalantly going to the door. 

“Yes, yes, I know!” the Hobbit said. “But it's not one of our group, apparently. This one made friends with the elf King's son, and they're off to the City Of The Lake together I think, so he can't really be one of our group. You lot are not very polite when it comes to elves.”

“Another dwarf?” Ori said. “Is it the touristic dwarf season in Mirkwood now?”

“Anyway, Thorinduil will probably ask for a new meeting with Thorin.”

“Who?” Ori said.

“I think he meant Thranduil” Fili answered. “The elven king?”

“Yes, well, I wasn't raised into that kind of knowledge, thank you” Bilbo protested. “Anyway, Thorin is mad at him for... well, you know why, and Theranduil is mad about Thorin being stubborn, as he always is, and. Well. For all the trespassing and such.”

“Trespassing? We weren't trespassing, we were just asking for some help!” protested Ori. 

“Ssshh!” Bilbo whispered. “Anyway, I should be going. I'll try putting an escape together. Don't do anything... reckless in the meantime.”

The two dwarves heard him mumble a “and yet not one asked about how _I_ was doing” before turning back and disappearing. 

“Hobbits sure are a silent species” Ori marveled while trying to keep a track of Bilbo through the bared opening of their cell door.

“Who is he, you think?” Fili asked his brother. “This other dwarf, the one who was injured?”

Ori looked at him in a wonder, then frowned. 

“No, brother, I know what you are thinking –at least I think so– and no. It can't be him. Well, it could, but it's very, highly improbable.” 

“If he's going to Erebor, this would be a possible path.”

“It could.”

“So it _could_ be him.”

“He went by boat, brother, and days before us. He's probably already in the City Of The Lake.”

 _If he's still alive, that is_. 

“But if he's been injured...”

“That's still highly improbable.”

“I don't care.”

“So what? Okay, it might be him. What are you going to do about it?”

Fili was walking round in their cell, clearly agitated. When Ori asked what he was going to do about it, he stopped. 

“I'm going to ask our guards.”

Ori rolled his eyes, but his brother was already calling for the elves. It wasn't easy to do so, because the opening of their door was too high for him so he had to grip the bars and pull himself up (Ori liked doing that, he called that exercising, but yet again, Ori was very bored). 

“What do you want, dwarf?” the first guard asked. 

He sounded a bit annoyed, but stayed almost polite nonetheless. 

“I want to know how are the other dwarves. I want to know if they are alright, if they have sustained any injuries. Our fight against the spiders was pretty nasty.”

“That again” the second guard sighed. “We told you we couldn't answer unless you tell us your names and destination.” 

“Told you” Ori said. “It's no use, they're stuck on us giving everything away.”

Fili nodded. 

“Yes, well, alright then. I want to talk to the King. I will tell him what he wants.”

“Brother, come on.” Ori said, a bit unsure if Fili was bluffing or really intended to betray their uncle. 

The elves where discussing what to do. 

“You are not going to tell, are you?” Ori whispered to Fili. 

His brother nodded slightly and leaned to tell him “Of course not. But I need a chance to get some information”. 

“Oh, the dwarf _ruined_ you” Ori sighed. “You are not thinking straight.”

The elves tapped lightly on the door. 

“We are going to inform our King about your decision” said the first guard, the one who had blond hair. “But don't get your hopes up, he wasn't so pleased with your leader's behaviour until now and will probably refuse to receive you on one of your whims.”

“Alright, please” Fili exclaimed, gripping the bars of his cells tighter. “I've lost a friend. Someone very dear to me. He's a dwarf, and he's been traveling. He might have passed through your Forest, and I just need to know. I _have_ to know if he's alright. So if you've heard of someone, just, any dwarf actually, who happened to travel here recently, you _have_ to tell me. He... he'd be black-haired, and a tad taller than I am, with brown eyes, and a goofy smile when he's happy, or a sad one when he thinks nobody's looking and, oh, he's got a bow, he's probably carrying a bow with him, he's a very good archer, you lot would like him and-”

“Not all elves like archery” the blond elf said in a sigh. “Why is it everybody thinks all elves like archery?”

“I didn't remember dwarves could shoot” the other elf said. 

“That's because you're still, what, eight hundred centuries old? And not curious at all, apparently.” the blond answered. “Someday you should go travel.”

“Maybe when I'll have time on my hands” the brunette said. “Do you think I am guarding dwarves for the mere kicks of it? If Thranduil did not thinks that was the place of the young ones, I _would_ be traveling.”

“Could we get back to my problem?” Fili said. “Have you seen this dwarf or not?”

“Depends, what's his name?” the blond elf asked.

“He's called Kil-”

“Brother, don't!” Ori exclaimed just a tad to late. 

“What, why?” Fili asked, irritated. “How can I know they met my dwarf friend if I don't tell them his name?” 

Ori was pulling on his hair and sighing. “You're an idiot.”

“Dwarves are idiots” the brown-haired elf said. “That, I had heard.”

Fili arched an eyebrow and looked at his brother.

“We will come back to you later” the blond one said. “Farewell, dwarves. Don't make too much of a ruckus. Last time you did... fight, we couldn't concentrate properly and I lost three games of check.”

The other guard chuckled and both of them departed, commenting on dwarves, _fighting_ and check mates.

Ori was considering Fili disapprovingly.

“Alright, was did I do?” his brother asked. “I told them his name, so what?”

Ori shook his head. “What do you think? If that _was_ Kili alright, and if he _indeed_ made friends with the King' son or whatever, they _probably_ know who his ex dwarf-friend was.”

Fili glared at him. “First, K... him and I are _not_ over. We, are still a we. And second, why would he have told people about us?”

“Why not?” Ori answered. “You talk about him all the time.”

“I don't, I really, really don't.”

“Of course you do. You speak about bows, about forging, about “remember back home when”, and you never _ever_ even mention his name, or sex, which by your standards is really awkward. So you're _always_ speaking of him. Even your silence is speaking of him. And if he likes you half as much as you like him, he's probably doing the same right now.”

“I doubt that.”

“And I don't care that you doubt me. Now, let's get to more interesting things. What were we doing before all those interruptions? Ah yeah, getting bored. I'll start, you catch up; but don't you expect to beat me, I'm getting pretty good at it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NB: This fic decided it was a good idea to explore dwarves as an agender culture with no differentiation made between female and male dwarves, and I'm going with it. 
> 
> This will not be relevant to the plot, just part of the overall universe, so it won't change a thing in how characters were written until now. Characters will probably discuss it though.

**Author's Note:**

> "Effeuillons la marguerite": let's play "they-loves-me, they-loves-me-not" in French.
> 
> I just wanted some Fili/Kili without all the incest drama ; )


End file.
